Recently in Funny Pages Category

They don't really go well together do they? An amusing editorial on the turtle cookie jar/urn

A guy in Germany got let off by police after they sympathised with his problems after he threw his computer out of the window

At work we all have nicknames - mine is Batman because I always have gadgets and tools for any problem at work but now we have been told we need to take the superhero quiz. I was pleased with my result but interestingly enough I'm only 25% batman -
Your results:
You are Spider-Man

Spider-Man 65% Superman 55% Robin 52% Catwoman 45% Green Lantern 40% Supergirl 40% Iron Man 40% Hulk 35% Wonder Woman 30% The Flash 30% Batman 25%

You are intelligent, witty, a bit geeky and have great power and responsibility.

An excellent lip synced video from youtube -

This is prove that laughter is contagious - bet you can't watch this video all the way through without crying! It's long at 10 minutes but is so funny it is worth it - you may not want to watch this in the office as everyone will be wondering what you are doing.

One of the benefits of the technet roadshow was hearing about the banned xbox 360 video. If you saw it on tv you'd wonder what on earth they are advertising until the very end. The taxi scene is pretty funny.

Nick Whittome - "The Naked MVP" : Ricky Gervais visits Microsoft.
Thanks Nick - thats great.

Someone has too much time on their hands. I'm not a fan of Starwars but this telnet of StarWars at towel.blinkenlights.nl is cool. (Say yes if you are asked to open an application and then hit enter a couple of times at the prompts. Thanks to In the Trenches

If you've not see the trunk monkey ads, then watch all of them

Ever wonder why the IT department ask you for the EXACT error message and then have to repeat the request (several times) when the reply is "something like......" - well if you read the first reply to this help request you will know the reason why.

Funny Panda's playing in a playground - I loved the way they slid down the slide.

This has been doing the rounds but I think some people haven't seen it yet - Real Life Simpson credits. The blackboard and sofa gag don't change each time you watch it though :-)

Topgear try to kill a toyata pickup is a funny 16 minute clip where they try all sorts of things to destroy the truck. It would be really funny to see what happened if they had called the AA out after leaving the truck in the sea. The things they do to the truck are pretty amazing although I'm not sure about the legality of driving the truck on the road after some of the things they do to it - the bodywork looks pretty dangerous. I must say that it sure beats the advert that they shown on tv at the moment where they drop stuff over the truck and it drives off - this video is much more extensive. Thanks to Day in the life of a Security Investigator

My results:
I am Superman

Superman 70% Spider-Man 70% Green Lantern 60% Supergirl 50% Robin 47% Wonder Woman 40% Hulk 40% The Flash 25% Batman 25% Catwoman 20% Iron Man 20%

You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.

and then some....... Thanks to Rob

unless you've seen Neil's blog - this is an interpretation of Natalie Imbruglia's song and is pretty good.

This cartoon from speedbump (one of the comics I read on a daily basis) is going to be very apt in the early part of December

As if I didn't need anything else to give me a headache, this Optical illusion is really weird. Thanks to /usr/bin/girl

Scott Adams has a blog and starts off with "If you’re reading this on company time, congratulations on beating the system. If you’re reading it on your own time, you really need to find a job where they pay you to do this sort of thing."
I'm sure i've read the follow up story in one of the dilbert books (or management principle books) but its still pretty funny and shows how pointless committees are.
Thanks to Adam

After spending too long at it, I managed to get the men to their portal in Hapland. A great game although timing is everything. When you've completed it (or before if you are a wuss and give up) then you get to play Hapland2

These guys must have a large playset to film this car chase on. Thanks to Denyerec

Moments in time has a humorous story about how bringing plants (containing a harmless snake) indoors can be dangerous.

Very funny cartoon about working on a technical support line - Weakend Productions. Oh how scarily true to life it is. For the non-brits see the extended entry for a spoiler explanation for the last scene.

I'd heard the song on the In The Trenches podcast but this morning (ok I'm 4 days late) I clicked on the video link for the Systems Administrator song. I really liked the way he did the capslock...
If you've not heard the song or seen the video then its highly recommended.

Postsecret is a blog where people have sent in secrets written on a postcard. However, they are no ordinary postcards but artistic ones designed like a scrapbooker would. Plenty of inspiration for scrapbookers but some of the content may not be suitable for all ages.

Longhorn is apparently going to be called Vista according to an announcement earlier this week. Already I've seen posts saying this stands for "Virus infections, spyware, trojans and adware!"
Oh dear oh dear oh dear.......

moon.google.com - just don't get too close :-)

Richard Branson, eat your heart out.....Here's instructions for making a paper rocket - looks fun.

From flickr

1) Go to http://maps.google.com/maps?ll=38.862577,-77.001771&spn=0.16,0.16

2) Click on "local search"

3) Enter "stupidity" in the search field and click "Search!" [via Glimpse of a Grrl]

The funny thing is that if you switch the search to idiot you get a funny result too. I'd love to know how they are working this one out as the number 2 result for stupidity near us is Ohio State University!

1) Go to http://maps.google.com/maps?ll=38.862577,-77.001771&spn=0.16,0.16

2) Click on "local search"

3) Enter "stupidity" in the search field and click "Search!" [via Glimpse of a Grrl]

The funny thing is that if you switch the search to idiot you get a funny result too. I'd love to know how they are working this one out as the number 2 result for stupidity near us is Ohio State University!

What happens if you don't test your programs. A tongue in cheek look at programming - and not just for geeks either - very funny.

And I thought moving was bad!

If you are getting excited about the upcoming new Star Wars film then you may not appreciate Store Wars a very funny flash movie about organic vegetables.Thanks to Awasu for the tip off.

....or not drive. Useful tips seeing as though I have to take a driving test in the next few months :-)

Too busy to have a shower in the morning before going to work? Then you could always bid on this eBay item 4538071231 (Ends 02-Apr-05 14:14:09 BST) - Ford Streetka / Street Ka With ensuite Shower! Part 2 placed by a disgruntled owner - what a good idea for marketing.

Cuteness that needs to be shared

A pretty impressive set of lego - the envy of all the local kids.....Lego Imperial Star Destroyer (10030)

well make sure you don't have your webcam recording your actions.... Thanks to Central Ohio Geocaching Forums

but its even longer for the journey between Trondheim, Norway and Haugesund, Norway. According to Microsoft's mapsend, the quickest journey is 1685.9 miles, takes 47 hours and goes into at least 5 countries and three ferries - all to travel the 500mile (straight line) distance.
I wondered what would happen if you took the shortest distance and you do a 390mile jouney taking 51 hours and traveling across 2 ferries to the uk and back!
Thanks to Urban Legends Reference Pages: Computers (The Long Way Home)

MoonAmtrak reminds me of the time I went on the Magical Mystery tour around Liverpool to do the beatles thing. As we were driving along in the coach we got mooned by a couple of kids - much to the amusement of the american friend I was with at the time.

Found from a link off snopes about weird animals supposedly washed up by the tsunami, there are some more weird fish at the Australian Creature Feature

There has been extensive blog coverage of the recent news that Bill Gates gets 4million emails a day. What I find amazing is that he has a department to cope with his emails. You would have thought that bayesian spam software would pick most of these up (I wonder if he has an exchange server all to himself with this volume).
Anyway, Joy of Tech have a funny cartoon about this which is well worth looking at.

I've seen this on yahoo this morning, but the sequence of photos at realroot is really funny. But where does the man in blue in picture 3 go to in picture 4? The attitude of the guy in red in picture 4 is funny too. Blue man turns up in picture 6 (phew0

very funny

You might want to think again as this machine gun is still in Wales somewhere.

Thankfully our support email is not like any of the email address's found on Mike's page. I wonder how many of those actually exist.....

One of the cartoons I read mentions blogging today - sometimes it does feel like there's not a lot to write about......

At Phoenix Sky Harbor airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y'
and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'there are 3 sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

A really cool game of breakout based on a central drain which you need to protect.

There are more atmo - Read my lips flash movies available - the Jingle Bells is pretty funny.Thanks Daisy

Damon's got some post it notes after a buddy played a prank. Thanks Memoirs of a geek

An amusing (I hope its tongue in cheek) post about management roles at Microsoft on one of the Exchange blogs. Sadly I can see how much of it is true (from real life experience!)

Just finished LOGAN's Mystery Of Time And Space Adventure (c) 2002 Jan Albartus (LOGAN) which is a pretty tough flash game - had to cheat twice to do it though :-(

A neat use of flash to create a puzzle game - can you escape from the CRIMSON ROOM?

I never knew my post about Jamie Oliver's Dad's pub would make such interesting reading that I'd get invited to school's to talk about it. But that's what has happened in the latest comment on this page. Somehow I don't think they actually read the page and I also think they are likely to fail their assignment. OR I could give up my job and do personal appearances for famous people when they are too busy to do it themselves.

I know that kids used to bring home the school guinea pig or hamster, but bringing home an alligator on the school bus seems to be asking a bit too much. I've no idea why the bus driver let the alligator on - I know there's no way I'd let something like that on my bus. Thanks Angela for the post

From LittleRedboat comes a great quote - click to read the rest of the story "Then I killed him, peeled him, broke his head into segments and jumped on them

There was a photoshop contest for Farside pictures....Top 30 pictures are here and I love the bee one!

Its amazing that after all the controversy about Janet's flash, that nothing was said on any of the blogs or major news channels about the streaker at half time (or whatever the americans call it). The commentary and video on the streakers website is pretty funny. The guy said if it wasn't for Janet he'd have made the headline news.

And a very funny article/book review on the art of kissing. Once you have read that first entry read up the blog for the next two.

A funny site called The Plug gave me some good reads this morning. Looks like its been written by several students. Well worth a perusal. The drive-thru betting was interesting - I wonder what McDonalds would do over here if you tried it?

Type "Old Fart" (sans quotes) into Amazon

Now the entire house contents covered in foil would give me a headache. Thanks Accetura

Our church minister used this at the beginning of his sermon last week. It was very funny. If anyone would like to hear the full sermon then drop me a note and I'll see if I can convert it into mp3 format.

From Spy magazine, comes a rigorous statistical investigation into the question of Santa's existence. Be forewarned: you may not like our conclusions...

We begin our investigation by assuming that Santa Claus really does exist. Now, if you've learned anything about human nature, you know that it's highly unlikely that a normal man would choose, for no particular reason, to devote his life to making toys and delivering them to boys and girls the world over. But this is an objective inquiry, and questions of motivation aren't relevant. We want only to know whether such a man could accomplish his mission.

Santa's first obstacle is that no known species of reindeer can fly. However, scientists estimate that out of the earth's roughly 2 million species or living organisms, 300,000 or so have yet to be classified. So, even though most of these undiscovered species are insects and germs, we can't rule out the slight possibility that a species of flying reindeer does, in fact, exist. And that no one besides Santa has ever seen one.

A bigger obstacle for Santa is that there are 2 billion children under the age of 18 in the world. The good news is that he needs to deliver presents only to the Christian children, of whom there are approximately 378 million. Let's assume that 15 percent of these Christian children have been bad and are thus -- like Buddhist, Hindu, Jewish, and Muslim children -- ineligible for gift getting. Still at an average rate of 3.5 children per household, Santa has a backbreaking 91.8 million homes to visit on any given Christmas Eve.

Fortunately, Santa has 31 hours of Christmas Eve darkness to visit all these homes if he travels from east to west, thanks to the rotation of the earth. Unfortunately, this still works out to 822.6 visits per second. So, for each Christian household with good children, Santa has just over a thousandth of a second to land, hop out of his sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the rest of the presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left out, get back up the chimney, climb back into his sleigh, take off and fly to the next house.

How fast is Santa moving? Assuming all 91.8 million stops are spread evenly over the earth's landmass, Santa must travel 0.79 miles per household -- a total trip of 72,522,000 miles. (This is a conservative estimate. It doesn't include trips across oceans, feeding stops for the reindeer, etc.) Given the 31-hour time period, Santa's sleigh must maintain an average speed of 650 miles per second, or more than 3,000 times the speed of sound. To give you an idea how fast that is, the fastest man-made vehicle ever built, the Ulysses space probe, travels at a relatively poky pace of 27.4 miles per second, and conventional, land-bound reindeer travel at a top speed of 15 miles per hour. But let's assume that Santa's flying reindeer are somehow able to reach hypersonic speeds -- thanks, say, to the magical spirit of Christmas giving.

Let's take a closer look at Santa's vehicle. First of all, assuming a cheapo 2 pounds of presents per child (that's like one crummy Lego set), the sleigh must still be able to carry a load or 321,300 tons -- plus Santa, an overweight man. On land, a reindeer can't pull more that 300 pounds of freight, and even assuming that flying reindeer could pull ten times that amount, Santa's massive sleigh has to be drawn by 214,200 beasts. They increase the weight of the overall Santa payload to 353,430 tons (not including the weight of the sleigh itself). This is more than four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth ocean liner. Imagine: Santa skimming over rooftops in a gargantuan hypersonic aircraft with even less maneuverability than a Big Wheel.

Here's where things get fun.

Three hundred fifty-three thousand tons of reindeer and presents are going to create an enormous amount of air resistance -- especially at 650 miles per second. This air resistance will heat up the reindeer in the same way that spaceships are heated up when they reenter the earth's atmosphere. According to our calculations, the lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. This means that they will burst into spectacular, multi-colored flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them. As Santa continues on his mission -- leaving defeaning sonic booms in his wake -- charred reindeer will constantly be sloughed off. All 214,200 reindeer will be dead within 4.26 thousandths of a second.

As for Santa, he will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa will be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,375,015 pounds of force (after we deduct his weight). This force will kill Santa instantly, crushing his bones, pulverizing his flesh, turning him into pink goo.

In other words, if Santa tries to deliver presents on Christmas Eve to every qualified boy and girl on the face of the earth, he will be liquified.

Our conclusion: if Santa Claus does exist, he's dead.

Tapestry have had a cease and desist notice from ucomics saying that he must stop providing the rss feed for the comics on their site. A real shame, but I'm not suprised its happened to be honest. By using RSS you are bypassing adverts on the main page, although how this is any different from browsing with a banner/advert blocking browser/proxy I'm not sure. Thankfully my own feed still works as they have not prevented hotlinking.

Kids completed some proverbs with some very funny conclusions - I'm not sure about the last one as these are meant to have been completed by 6th graders (no idea how young that is, but pretty young I guess)

A funny page about renting a car from Thrifty at O'hare airport. This is who we used this year and we did receive good service, especially as I was allowed to drive, but the comment about the ridge in the road is very true (and a daft idea)

Yes it didn't take long for these to start doing the rounds. Suprisingly I've not seen many of these on web pages so here's one I thought was good and a quick search in Google doesn't provide the answer....
What were Saddam's first words when they found him?

A Lego version of Homer Simpson is really impressive. What is scary is that this bloke has enough lego to build it. Having said that, if he sells them for $4500 a piece thats enough to build a real house out of lego!

Some quick links as I don't have to to blog them all individually. Real Underground map (funny), Microsoft's free/busy service, Interesting Exchange articles, Freeware list

Cute game where you have to help the pigs reach the cakes

If women ruled the world from Chasing Daisy - pretty funny.

Downloaded and played Elf Bowling 2003 - highest score so far is only 127 :-(

This weekends fifth wave cartoon shows someone being reminded of installing XP, something I am going to have to do in a couple of weeks time when the parents-in-law new computer arrives. Not only will I have to install, tweak and patch XP, I'm also going to have to connect it up to RoadRunner cable and also migrate all their data from the old machine to the new one - Something I'm not looking forward to doing. I should have brought my crossover network cable with me so I could do it all over the network but instead I'll either have to plug the hard disk from the old machine into the new one, or go get a network cable and hope I can get the two machines talking to each other.

Neil posted about Vanity TinyURL's where you see where tinyurl/yourname takes you. Mine, takes you to the amazon site for the collectors edition of Transformers Series 1 on DVD which I think is rather cool and geekish :-)

Count the number of people, wait a few seconds and then count again. Then scratch your head and work out how on earth they've done this.

Lisa writes an open letter to her pets which i'm sure all animal lovers will agree with.

I wrote about staying at Jamie Oliver's dad's pub (is that too many apostrophes?) and someone asked me for information about fruit and veg for their school work assignment. Well if thats the research they are doing then they are likely to get an F.

Amazon are selling a bargain keyboard for one million dollars. I've reviewed it so will be interesting to see if my review appears with others. Thanks LostOlive!. I wonder if this is compatible with the thousand pound battery I saw on Action a few years ago.

Received a very good animated picture of a man walking using ascii art(popup) (this one is the correct image too)

After commenting on my post with the letters jumbled up, I visited Infinite Diversions and came across a load of optical illusions. Some of them are really freaky, others don't seem to do anything, and others just give you a headache!

I received this warning in an email this morning:-
"There is an advisory out warning dog owners of an unknown assailant shooting dogs in their own yards. Police have advised dog owners to keep their pets indoors as much as possible and under close supervision when let outdoors."

See below for a police sketch of the suspect.

Another funny 404 page - requires flash and sound - courtesy of homestar. From what I can tell this is part of a a series of cartoons and not really a 404 - but it is quite good though!

Someone has drafted up Sco's version of the 419 scam which is pretty funny reading. Thanks to Koozie for the tipoff.

Although funny, the scary thing is that one day they WILL come out with a Hacker Barbie

Not that this effects me - I've posted 5 posts before 8.15 this morning, but Doonesbury did a good cartoon on Sunday relating to Bloggers block. Thanks Shifted Librarian

London's Major Ken Livingstone asked people for ideas on cooling the tube as it gets really hot down there. The BBC hosted the competition and has put up 16 entries which are really funny.

Further to my previous posting on Dilbert, the cartoon will still be available free of charge. You need to go to comics.com, sign in and select the free option on the payment page. You will only be able to get one comic sent to you by email (per email address!)

The 404 Research Lab, courtesy of plinko has the best links to 404 pages and tutorials on how to do them yourself. I saw this months ago and discovered it again today by accident.

Thought I'd check my blogroll whilst I wait for an incredible slow fnuxi to run on some work files. When I tried to access Firda's blog I got "Access has been denied. Please contact Computer Services if you feel that access should not be denied to the Web-Site: http://63.247.131.100:80/ . The site has been blocked as it is classed as partial/artistic nudity. " I didn't realise that pictures of ducks with no clothes on was artistic nudity!

I found the other funny 404 page that attempts to chat you up thanks to a bit of google searching. Enjoy Kelly! Oh and you can't just view the source of the page for this one - although a bit of detective work finds the simple source so you don't have to sit and watch it until it has finished.

I've had to change the light-bulb in the kitchen AGAIN! I'm sure these bulbs don't last long so I'm going to make a Boring Bulb Blog.....which chronicles the lifetime and reliability of light-bulbs. I'm sure this could take off into a scientific survey to see who has the best value for money light-bulbs around......

I've seen this error page in a couple of sites now and it's pretty funny. I've not had the chance to sit there and read it all yet though. I'm sure you could put some subliminal advertising in it! Actually, this one is a depressed site - the previous one I saw has the computer hitting on the reader saying that they are hot!

The mob went down yesterday - where everyone gathered around the lobby of the Hyatt, and then spontaneously broke into 15 seconds of applause, then they all left. Sounds a really good laugh! Pictures from the event are posted at CheeseBikini's site which also has links to the other picture pages at Laundromat and Freds Journal

Does exactly what it says on the tin.....For those of you not in the UK, ronseal make annoying adverts for quick drying paint and wood varnishes with the catch phrase "Does exactly what it says on the tin".
Anyway, I made this
when I got asked 'what does "System has Shutdown" mean'?

What do you do when your phone crashes?

Again whilst doing some random surfing tonight I stumbled across Rob's pages where he scientifically determines How Much Is Inside and catalogues some of the pranks he has pulled such as adding new items to the McDonalds menu's.

Create your own barcode. Would be interesting to see if you could create a barcode scanner navigation tool using a scanner to do your navigation and send the output to your browser....Then play with tins of beans and things to "random surf"....now there's a marketable idea i'm sure!

Found a lego picture of me!